im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
