Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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