I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
