He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
