so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
