My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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