Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
