I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
