Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
