literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
