Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
