how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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