I puked a lego.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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