just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
grandma shit on top of the toilet
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
