Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is it because I queefed?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
