i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
do herpes really smell.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
