I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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