new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
