So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He passed out mid-signature
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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