we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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