I cut my penus on the lid.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
