Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize