If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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