I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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