It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
True college students do jello shots in the library
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