I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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