then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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