96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
