He is such a slut. More and more my type.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
