im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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