Your face is a jimmy john
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize