Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
