You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
