If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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