so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
