You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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