it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize