It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
