you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
