I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize