this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
