I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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