Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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