Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize