Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
