Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
