Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
