I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize