Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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