Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
