Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
