i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
