Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
