I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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