i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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