Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
