Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just found a bag of teeth...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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