yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
