great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This baby is an asshole
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
