When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize