I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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