hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, beer. Big fan.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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