Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
