I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
