I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
