I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
