I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
