what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
