I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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