Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
