i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize