So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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