I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
