The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
