why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
