Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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