You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
