I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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