Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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