last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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