she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
