I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize