apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
