we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
