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You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
