you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize