Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
