Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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