I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
