Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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