I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
