Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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