I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
