So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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