hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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