Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
