she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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