I want to walk on stilts...naked
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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