He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
